I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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