sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
