Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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