The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
