I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
