Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Come on in and take your pants off
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