What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
