could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
