Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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