Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
