So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
