It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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