Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
