Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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