Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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