but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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