Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
