Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
