Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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