This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
