Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
