does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
