I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
