I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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