My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
