Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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