My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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