No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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