im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
