I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
