Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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