Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
