Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
