my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
