Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
