Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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