Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
