I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
