4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Will you blow on my dice?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
