shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like eating out sand paper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
