So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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