turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
