Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A bitchslap is in order.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
