she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
