i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my shit smells like andre
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
