The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
