1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
