420 ftw
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
