You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
