um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
