Yo dont text me then not text me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
