i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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