I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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