break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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