My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
