You just made me feel so damn special
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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