dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
